A Day in the Life....that Sometimes Feels the Same as Yesterday

So now I am blogging. As if I don't have a million other things to do. As if there isn't an enormous pile of laundry on the couch next to me, and yes I am still in my PJ's at 3:30 PM! Life has changed in so many ways since Benjamin was born. I guess it has moved into slow motion yet the days sort of slide past me and before I know it its Monday all over again. Lately I am struggling with the significance of the this job called "mommy." I'm spit up on fifty times a day, I change dirty diapers, wipe tears, give baths and sing endless rounds of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." However, I also have the privilige of spending the day with the most beautiful kid in the world ( I am not biased of course). So when I am offered my old job back and its only part-time I am falling between the temptation of extra cash and more adult interaction and the sucker-punch guilt of missing a moment of Ben's life. What would Dr. Laura do? Ok, yes I listen to her whenever I am in the car between 1 and 4 PM. If you listen to her you know that she is dead set against women working outside the home when they have children. I have totally and completely been on her side...when employment was not an option. Now, I am torn. I want to just say forget it! I trust God and the process of life and I don't need to work at all! But honestly I get so tired of scraping by and not being able to plan well for the future. But maybe there is more for me to see here besides a less than helpful bank account. I put Ben down for a nap today and looked down at his sweet round face and it made me sad to think that I may not do this everyday if I decide to go back to work. If I go back is it for him or for me and my own sense of security and control? Ok, wow did I just say that? Having a family is something I dreamed about for years, seriously since I was like seven years old and tucked my stuffed animals in at night. So why would I give up any part of that? For what a few hundred bucks a month? So maybe I know my answer, thank you blog it feels good to write again...