The Days are Long but the Years are Short...and I Need a Break!

So I caved and turned on some Christmas music. I think all this pre-mature Christmas marketing on TV is getting the better of me. Mark built a roaring fire too which made me think of the holidays. Here we are a week out from our trip to OKC for Thanksgiving and I am wondering where the year went? It feels like yesterday that I brought home my pink screaming baby and now he is a very mobile tantrum throwing toddler!

The older I get the faster life seems to move. It is funny though, how long some days can be. I think this last Thursday seemed like five days crammed into one and not because I was being remotely productive (maybe that was my problem). For all of my wanting to make the most of this life and learning to be grateful for the small things, I still spend a lot of times wishing for things I do not have, longing for time to pass so I can be somewhere else. I know this is the plight of many mothers with small children. It is hard to be completely engaged, because let's face it, a lot of what we do is tedious and repetitive. My sister brilliantly put on her Facebook info page that she basically relives the same day every day, diapers, meals, naps, errands, rinse and repeat.
I am not trying to diminish the task of motherhood. It is a noble and crucial task. Staying home with our children is hard and I believe all good and worthwhile things come with a price. I want to get better at seeing the goal and having the perspective that these young years will pass all too quickly. So while it may seem that each day blends into the next, and some feel long and insignificant, its not true. Each day with Benjamin is a gift. I have the joy of being there, of witnessing his life and transformation from baby to child and someday adult. I have this challenge, this quest to nurture and pour into my family all of the love, grace, and patience that God gives me. I am not saying that motherhood is this altruistic thing for me. it is definitely not. I grow empty, I get tired, and I need to be filled up and recharged on a daily basis.

One night last week I was wiped out, I handed Ben to Mark and ran off to the bookstore for hot chocolate and a stack of books to look through. I felt revived by that short hour I spent thinking about other things, restoring my mind, thinking about more than what goes on within the four walls of my house. Other days its a walk alone with my dog, or coffee with a friend. I need those times where I can focus on my inner-life, a world I cultivated and still try to maintain outside of my son.
So maybe this post is a reminder to take care of ourselves so that we can be the best at what we do, so that we can survive those long days. I for one can make it through if I know there will be a moment that is all mine somewhere on the horizon.

So tonight, after Ben is in bed, I plan on sitting by the fire with my guitar and singing through my favorite Christmas songs. I know it sounds corny, but it makes me feel alive and peaceful. My hope is that those feelings trickle over into Monday morning...alongside my enormous pot of coffee.

Madness, Reality Check, Moving On...

So, after a month of sheer madness, no dice. Aunt Flo showed, and I have to say I was sad, but also relieved a little. When we decided to try for baby number two I was sure and honestly, a little freaked out that it would happen right away like it did with Ben. I realize now that I need time to sit with this decision and let my body chill out for a bit. I am charting now (using the Taking Charge of Your Fertility book) and doing the whole morning temp thing, so we will see if I can stay on track that way. If I can get this charting down maybe I won't freak out and buy tons of pregnancy tests, consequently spending all of our grocery money for two weeks. Yeah, Mark was not too happy about that. So this month I am making a commitment to taking each day in stride, breathing deep ( I forget to do that A LOT) and enjoying the approach of the holidays. And not buying anymore tests until I am SURE it is necessary!

I will say one of the benefits of charting is that it gives you a feeling of control, something pro-active to do every day, getting familiar with your body and cycles. Ask me in a month how consistent I have been, but I really get why women do this. It makes sense, it eases some stress, it helps us to know what to expect.

With all the mania, I have let my house go to the dogs (truly, Joe's hair is everywhere) so my plan today is to try out my spiffy new mop, fold some laundry, finally clean my grubby bathroom and get out for a walk on this last nice warm day for awhile. Is Starbucks in my future...it is a definite possibility. Oh and I have keep two kiddos happy and fed too....sometimes the hardest part of the day!